Here's to living life without regret

I spent the last week in Alabama on Wilson Lake where I grew up .  My aunt and uncle rent a lake house there for a month each summer since my uncle retired and they invite family to join them for a week at a time (we can’t all stay here at the same time - there are too many of us).  This house is right around the corner from the lot where my parents built a lake house that we lived in until I was in second grade when we lost it to a fire. 

I have wanted to come stay with them here for years, but my husband and I also want to take a family vacation just the 4 of us.  Because I was in private practice and tried not to take too much time off all at once (for financial reasons - private practice overhead continues whether you’re working to feed it or not) I never made this trip a priority. 

We had a good family day with Mom, my 2 brothers and their families, and my aunt and uncle celebrating Mom and her twin brother’s 73rd birthday. 

Yes, my 73 year old mom climbed down the steep, slick ladder into and out of the lake to swim with all of us. 

We all boated - drove up to Wilson Dam and looked out over the spillways. 

We fished - some of us caught small fish, my nephew caught a 5.5 pound catfish, and some of us fed crickets to the fish and caught nothing. 

We ate. Lunch at the lake and dinner at the Mexican place in town. 

We drank a few beers and sparkling sodas.  Some of us learned that the end of your pool noodle can double as a table to hold your drink.

We sang happy birthday and Mom and her brother wore the sombreros at the Mexican restaurant. And flipped off the camera for their kids for photos. Much to our delight. 

We all got a little too much sun despite reapplying sunscreen.

We laughed and hugged and said I love you and overall had a great day. 

I love these people. I’ve missed them. And I was so happy to be able to be there spending this time with them.

Without worrying about checking an EMR inbox. 

Without worrying that I’m here for a week not seeing patients but still paying overhead and losing money by not being in the office. Without worrying that may mean I have to skip a paycheck for myself so I can pay everyone else. 

Without accidentally being called at 3am by the hospital even though I’m on vacation. With my phone tuned off and notifications turned off so I can’t be reached.  The people who need to reach me had access to me.  Others did not. 

Without guilt for making someone else’s week harder by not being at work. 

Without the regret that I would have if something happens to my Mom or someone else in my family I hardly ever see and I didn’t take this trip to spend time with them this week. 

It has been a long road to get here. 

It’s taken time. Intention. Work. Tears. Coaching. Ruminating. Coaching some more. 

But two of my family members last week told me I look happier.  

My uncle was asking me about what I am doing that lets me travel so much lately and I told him about working as an OB hospitalist. He said “Tina Louise, you should have done that a long time ago.  That sounds like a good gig”. 

Here’s to living life without regret. Still serving your calling in medicine but without giving up so much of the rest of what’s important to you that you lose a part of you, and have to travel back home to realize it was missing.