46: They Are Scared, Angry, or Anxious. And I'm the One Standing in Front of Them.
Have you ever had a patient or family member treat you badly when you were genuinely trying to help them? Have you ever walked away from an interaction feeling hurt, frustrated, or wondering how someone could be so rude?
If you're a physician, chances are you have.
In this episode of Navigating Possibility, I'm exploring the difficult interactions that can happen when we're caring for patients and families who are frightened, angry, overwhelmed, or frustrated with a healthcare system that often fails them. And while their frustration may be completely understandable, that doesn't mean we should have to absorb their mistreatment.
As physicians, we are often the face of a healthcare system that is broken. We're the people standing in front of patients when appointments are delayed, insurance approvals are denied, or answers aren't as simple as they hoped. We may have very little control over the circumstances that created their frustration, yet we're often the ones who receive it.
So what if we could change the way we think about these interactions?
What if, instead of immediately deciding that someone is an entitled jerk, we considered the possibility that they're scared, angry, or anxious? What if we could recognize that their behavior may be about something happening in their lives rather than a reflection of our competence, our character, or the care we're providing?
This isn't about excusing disrespect or asking physicians to tolerate abuse. It's about understanding how the thoughts we have about difficult interactions can influence our emotional experience, and how choosing a different perspective can sometimes help us carry less of that frustration with us.
In this episode, we'll explore:
-
Why patients and families sometimes direct their frustration with the healthcare system toward physicians.
-
How the stories we tell ourselves about difficult interactions influence our emotions.
-
Why someone else's anger doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong.
-
How to practice compassion without taking responsibility for someone else's feelings.
-
Why nervous system regulation matters when we're trying to respond rather than react.
-
How to set boundaries with patients and families while still recognizing their humanity.
-
Why physicians need to extend the same compassion to themselves that they offer to their patients.
And I'll share my own experience with this, including the fact that I don't always manage to choose the compassionate thought. Sometimes I'm tired, frustrated, and completely out of patience, too.
Because this isn't about becoming a physician who never gets angry or never feels hurt. It's about recognizing that we have options in how we interpret and respond to difficult interactions, and giving ourselves permission to be human in the process.
The takeaway? Compassion for them. Boundaries for you. And grace for yourself.
You can understand why someone is behaving badly without accepting that behavior. You can care deeply about your patients without making yourself responsible for their emotions. And you can be a good physician even when someone is unhappy with you.
You deserve to be treated with respect, too.
A question to reflect on
Think about a difficult interaction you've had recently.
Is there another way you could interpret what happened that might help you put it down and move forward?
Not to excuse the behavior. Not to make yourself responsible for someone else's feelings. Just to give yourself a little more freedom in how you experience it.
Connect with Christina
I'm Christina Adams, MD, an OB/GYN and life coach helping women physicians navigate burnout, career transitions, and the challenges of practicing medicine without losing themselves in the process.
Learn more about 1:1 coaching, resources, and the From Overwhelm to Empowerment course at:
If this episode resonated with you, share it with another physician who might need the reminder. And if you have a moment, leave a rating or review to help other women physicians find the podcast.
Keywords
Physician burnout, women physicians, physician wellness, emotional resilience, patient interactions, difficult patients, physician boundaries, nervous system regulation, women in medicine, physician life coaching, healthcare system, compassion fatigue, emotional well-being, physician self-care.
